23

I’ve skipped a few days because they’ve been pretty mundane, and I’ve been uninspired.

It happens. I’ve got a ratio of about 1 to 3 active to passive. Sometimes it’s an active day with a few days of blah. Sometimes it’s an active week followed by a stretch of, “I love my bed. Snore.” Occasionally I might get an active month that… nah. I don’t know if there’s any real ratio or pattern.

I’ve done some more organizing, sleeping, eating, watching Sons of Anarchy with Dana. Got a haircut. Truck repairs, air conditioner repairs, unanticipated and anticipated expenses.

The list of stuff that must get done is winding down and transitioning into things that will get done when they get done. Just a couple more weeks left to get the final pieces in place, then… what?… I’m not entirely sure.

I might be experiencing a tad bit of “separation anxiety.” There’s got to be a better term for that, but that’s how my mother used to explain the funk that happens when a struggle is over. I wonder how pervasive that feeling is. We keep putting one foot forward, pushing ourselves to the light at the end of the tunnel. Yet, how many, instead of basking in the sunlight just kind of collapse right outside the opening of the cave?

I’m not really in a “funk” at the moment, though. And “uninspired” isn’t exactly the right term either. I’m just a bit anxious to get the rest of this month that just started accomplished: Fourth of July weekend with Dana’s family, wedding, birthday, insurance matters. I don’t want that to sound like a list of chores that need to be done even though I guess I just did. These are all things I want to do, but they also represent the last steps of two years and nearly three months of chaos, unknown, drastic change, loss, gain… upheaval. It’s the final sprint of a long marathon. It’s both exhilarating and exhausting.

Even though I’ve accomplished some stuff over the past couple of days, it doesn’t really feel like I have. That’s just because of the relative comparison of struggling to keep up with more than I was able to handle.

Some days are just blah. No biggie.

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Author: cinkyblog

I am me.