Day 40

It’s my birthday. Yup. Dana asked me what I wanted to do this year. I replied, “nothing.” 

Really. I don’t want to go anywhere, have a special dinner, receive gifts, or have the day otherwise marked as “special.” 

I haven’t really been that into birthdays for awhile now. But, I usually like to do a little something to acknowledge the day… go to a movie or eat at Texas de Brazil. 

I’ve has way too many “special” days of late that the most special thing is to have a day that’s unspecial. 

Since our wedding last week, I haven’t really done anything productive. A bit of shuffling some stuff around, but nothing major. I’ve been pampering my introvertness by taking this week between wedding and birthday and enjoying the end of a long road.

Regretably, this nature of celebration that is so blissful for me is akin to torture for Dana. I know it’s a shitty side effect of our being opposite in nearly every regard, but she has been incredibly accepting this week. I wish I could sufficiently express the appreciation I have for her because of that. I am blessed to have her as my wife because she gave me an appropriate amount of space during for our honeymoon, which customarily is about getting out and enjoying/displaying our togetherness. 

I look forward to a lifetime of returning the understanding and giving her reasons to appreciate me. 

So, yeah, today’s “special” celebration shall be to have an unspecial day. Binge watch the second season of Black Sails and/or continue our James Bond chronology (we’re up to Diamonds are Forever.) Have some cheesecake and baked zits. Not let my mind race around a bazillion things that need doing. 

Tuesday I’ll go “back to work” of my job sorting, organizing, inventorying, attending appointments regarding financial matters, and planning my next steps toward exchanging some of the artifacts of keeping my mind and hands busy into money that can be used to continue keeping my mind and hands busy. 

Today, again I smiled at the realization that I can let myself be free of deadlines. Unfortunately that joy has been short-handedly expressed as, “Get off my back about that,” to Dana a few times over the past couple of days. It seems so ugly to write that. And it is. There’s an entire dynamic between us that doesn’t make a whole lot of sense to me, and surely wouldn’t be mistaken as a fairy tale romance to an outside perspective. Yet, these obvious imperfections in our relationship cause me to value it all the more. For better or for worse, what you see is what you get. There’s a great deal of comfort in that. 

 I’m staring at the screen without thought. Yay! 

Birthday. 

3:55am

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Author: cinkyblog

I am me.