Sixty days

My intentions of a post per day may be officially classified as something I haven’t followed through upon. There’s only so many times I’m enthralled writing some variation of: organized, watched some TV, did some hobbies, played some video games. 

Since I last updated, the living/dining room area has been tamed. After two years it is no longer a staging area. That feels good. 

What’s really on my mind right now is sleep. This is the time of year that I normally start to gear up for the start of school by being thankful that I don’t quite have to get into the sleep routine, but start stressing about forced bedtime and morning alarms. 

Other than about an hour nap between 9:30am and 10:30am, I’ve been awake for the past twenty-sixish hours. And, despite a half bottle of rum consumed at a his & hers bridal shower, a few sleeping pills, and an alprazolam I’m still not quite ready to hit the sack. 

Staying up this long isn’t a rare instance, nor is it usual. It happens, and is balancing a recent 18 hour sleep/5 hour wake/9 hour sleep occurrence. 

I do not endorse this type of inconsistent sleep pattern with no set number of hours I’ll be awake or asleep. It wreaks havoc on productive and social intentions. I’m used to it though. It has been like this for most of my life. 

At the age of twelve, I strive to stay up until past midnight to listen to and record Dr. Demento shows. In high school, I spent many hours at Big Boy playing pinochle and drinking coffee, tossing and turning until 3am, sleeping in classes and napping after school. 

In my mid twenties, I worked third shift on a seven day on, three day off, seven day on, four day off rotation. 

While teaching, I needed rituals for both going to bed and waking up to force my body to adhere to a work schedule that conflicted with my natural rhythm. 

I envy Dana’s ability to lay down and be in slumberland within ten minutes. For me that only happens occasionally — even then, the sun is usually shining when I shut my eyes. 

What triggers these overly long and short periods? Today it was the previously mentioned bridal shower. The anticipation of leaving by noon had be tossing and turning staring about 2am.

Ten hours is plenty of time to get a full night’s rest, but I wasn’t tired enough to sleep, so I read. Then it was 4:00am. Attempting to force myself to sleep was a futile task. At 5:00am, I started to play the, “I can still get seven hours of sleep… I can function with six hours. Four hours should be time to get in a full sleep cycle, etc.” When 9:30 rolled around, I was finally tired enough to drift away a bit from conscious shores. 

I remained suficiently tired through 4:00pm, although I could indulge in a decent sleep. After 4:00pm that feeling fluttered away. 

So here I am at 1:00am again. Tired again. Looking forward to sleep. Thankful that unlike previous years the beginning of August non-traditional sleep pattern need not cause me to dwell on the immenent effort I would have to apply in order to get to sleep at a “normal” time in just a few weeks. 

When I finish writing this, I get to sleep for as long as I feel like it. After I wake up, I can stay awake for as long as I will. That ability alone prevents any remorse about not being a teacher this year (ever again). 

I would explore if the happiness I am currently experiencing is due to that knowledge, the half bottle of rum, or a sincere enjoyment of spending time with Dana’s family today. Being aware that it is most likely some combination of those three is good enough for me right now because I’m pretty sure I’m going to fall asleep shortly since I’m dozing off while writing this. 

Instead I will simply salute and enjoy this bliss. 

1:31am

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Author: cinkyblog

I am me.