On the 233rd day (night) 

That was weird. Really weird. 

I had a dream about meeting with Trump. Sometimes I hate trying to explain a dream because the particulars fade away leaving just an impression or indescribable feeling. 

The gist of the dream was that I was talking to Trump about the state of education… but not like “all” of education, just the district I worked in. 

And he wasn’t the president. I think he was the new principal of the school. Buy not really because we were meeting about the new principal. Was I interviewing to be principal? No, I don’t think so. 

I was, however, excited to go back to work. As department chair? I don’t think that was it either. It didn’t feel like I was going back as a teacher. I was carrying around folders and papers though. 

It was a good meeting. We toured the school and set up e-mail accounts. I wasn’t sure if he wanted to use his business, personal,  or presidential E-mail address and he was too distracted to tell me. But he did glance at me every so often to tell me he liked what I was doing. I was doing a great job. 

We looked at stairwells. Maybe we were just walking through stairwells. I don’t know why. I was following him and chatting while he was on his why to somewhere. I was enthused about the conversation and the future. 

As we were walking back into the office, I was asking him about student accountability. I said, “I don’t have a problem with holding teachers accountable if we hold students accountable.” He mumbled some reply. 

“But will it be okay to hold students accountable? “I pressed. 

He mumbled something that wasn’t encouraging with words like, “holding to standards.”

“But if I have a class of 30 juniors, 14 of them don’t regularly attend….”

“Sure, sure,” he nodded in agreement. “Of course.”

“… and many of the others just won’t do the assignment…” 

“Well, I think we have to look at the assignments. Maybe some project based…,” he suggested not really looking at me. 

“I’m talking about any assignment. I don’t care if they write a song or draw timeliness or pictures….”

“Those all sound great,” he interrupted. “You’re going to do a great job.” 

And the office door closed as I finished, “… but they don’t do it.” In my head I whimpered the clarifying question, “Will they be held accountable or will it be the teacher’s fault.” 

I was left looking at the panel of six opaque glass windows arranged in two columns of three rows. The hallway shooting off the main office leading to the principal’s lair was 1920’s small. 

I woke up not feeling as enthused and grateful that I wasn’t really signing up to go back to work. Yet still a bit regretful of the loss of that initial feeling of enthusiasm and hope for positive changes. 

Hope is so much better than fear. 

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Day 209

And the 200 mark quietly passed by unnoticed. 

Dana goes back to work after Winter Break in… oh… about five hours. I do not envy her. Although, I can say that I finally and definitely feel like if I had to go back, I’d be thinking, “Yeah, okay. I can use the break from myself.” 

That’s kind of the attitude I had at the end of longer breaks since 2009 and before 2014. I’d tend to frantically exorcise all the “wanna try” thoughts that had collected that I’d burn myself out. At that point, going back to work was a way to step back and evaluate where I was at. 

The “to do” list remains. The current primary task is cataloging, consolidating, and organizing DVDs… have I said all this before? I think I have. 

And, if I have, that means I’ve been stagnant. Hmmm. Come to think of it, that’s a good way to describe what I’ve been feeling: stagnant. 

I’ve been reading about for-profit education. I also read two of Carrie Fisher’s memoirs. A couple of days ago, I started sculpting toward an idea I have for making cast garden fairies with stained glass wings. But that’s got me missing the work table set up I used to have in Racine. I actually started visualizing how I might recreate that set up, but not only would it disrupt my sensibilities, Dana wouldn’t be too pleased either. I’ll have to figure something out for in the basement. Eventually. 

Stagnant — NOT BORED! No, no, no. Don’t get confused about that. The routine of video games, beading, to-do list, and chores has just become so routine that it’s causing my thoughts to wander aimlessly. And, there’s nothing solid for them to grasp onto. Hence, going back to sculpting. 

I just spent a couple of hours YouTubing the video game/learning tool of Rocksmith for Xbox One. I was thinking that if maybe I learned how to play the guitar, that would help me with the banjo. 

I also tried to figure out crocheting for another jewelery making technique. But since it’s easier to learn crochet with yarn, I figured I should do that. I don’t have an end goal in mind for a finished piece of crocheted yarn though. So, as I work with yarn, that’s got me thinking that if I were going to make something with yarn, I should really learn how to knit. 

So, there we have it. I’ve been thinking about learning to play the guitar and knit. But, I’ve got plenty of other stuff to do, practice, and perfect. Like I said: stagnant.

One thing that the routine of a job provides is something to blame for not getting things done that you think you would do if you didn’t have a job. 

I just bought Dead Rising 4 for a new video game to play. Last Thursday Wooz, Kris, and Johnny came over to play a board game: Risk Legacy. We’re going to get together again on January 20th. That’s cool. 

Um. I got nothing else to ramble about. Next time perhaps I’ll describe how I think I’m finally decompressed and have been organizing DVDs. 

2:02am